Second day back at ITT* post-Christmas and already I’m starting to see that I underestimated the difficulty of what I’m getting into. The tiredness is strong. The nerves are high. The urge to call it quits is ever-present.
I missed my blog yesterday. I had it ready and everything. The rant-writing was done; the post was typed; the pictures were made and I was all set, the only stages left; the copying and pasting into WordPress and the formatting. No big deal. It would have been done five minutes.
And then the text came. The “I was hoping we could meet up and talk” text that only ever comes when some bad news must be discussed as a matter of urgency. So the blog was put to bed for an early night, I left the bike at home and got a lift as fast as I could to hear yet another painful break-up story from yet another of my best friends.
It’s hard to watch my family –and they really are my own personal hand-picked family– go through these things. Whenever I’m not with them I’m worried about them. And it’s scary because it really shows that you never know what’s coming.
How can anyone ever be totally secure in a relationship? I mean, I am, but those feelings seem illogical. How can I really, honestly, tell myself this is it, 100%, no wiggle-room, absolutely and completely, forever and ever, when I can never know how my partner feels or what she’s thinking? How can anyone?
It’s a scary world out there in relationship land. But I guess if we can trust that our friends will be there for us no matter what, as I do, it makes sense that we should be able to trust our partners with the same. It just sucks that so many people are unexpectedly let down.
*Institute of Technology, Tallaght. My college, based in Dublin, where I study Creative Digital Media.